For Family – My Ethical Will

The writings in this web node that you are about to enter are the core thoughts and wishes I want to share with family, well before (life-willing!) my eventual passing back into the “no-thing-ness” from which we all are born from. It is a collection of letters, last thoughts so to speak, on how I view this world of physical existence, and the wishes I have for those I love who continue on in living it. These are my private writings to family, to bestow upon my children, my wife, and my friends as reminding thoughts to look upon long after my eventual passing. Letters in which to remember me by, in other words. In Jewish tradition, such writings as this is called an Ethical Will and in the academic world it’s called a Last Lecture. Though I like the purpose and ideal of both, I find the titles to not be quite the right title for my purpose here. For, as I’ve been reminded time and time again by loved ones, few people are open to the idea of having someone else’s will for them placed upon them and even fewer like to be lectured to, regardless how good or inspiring the lecture is for them. So, I choose to call my letters here a last Love Letter and more specifically a Living Last Letter – hence the title of this package, My Living Thoughts. For these words, these thoughts, and the memories that others have of me will out last me and, ultimately, is all that I truly have to share in an enduring way. So, let’s get with it.

My Living Thoughts (for Family only)

My Living Thoughts (for Public view)

I so very much would like to make these letters public, and maybe someday I’ll create a special page that will make this possible. For I do believe that these words I have shared to family members would also be of great benefit to others who would like to read them. But, the names of family members are present, so it is prudent of me to limit access to those who know the page password. Just the way it is, and the nature of my web site. Now, my family is more than welcome to share the password with any trusted others they would like to also have access to and read these pages.

————-

Update 18 Jun 2023: I also wish to make it clear about my end of life expectations (may may another five decades of preparation time be before you, my family):

I was born on י״ט תמוז תשכ״ז
Thu, 27 July 1967 = 19th of Tamuz, 5727
Parashat Matot

On my 13th birthday, it was the Gregorian date of י״ט תמוז תש״מ
19th of Tamuz, 5740 = Thu, 3 July 1980
Parashat Pinchas

May I live to be 120+ years of age but, when the breath leaves me for good, I want a human composting burial (1) in accordance with Jewish halacha (2). This means: The physical burial is done in human composting method, and this burial is performed as soon as is physically possible. There must be no embalming of my body! All Jewish rituals observed by my family for my burial are to be done during this human composting burial. After the composting period, since I have no life-long connection with one specific Jewish community, the internment of my compost remains may be accomplished as food for a planted tree in a place desired by family as a memorial site. If both composting burial and tree planting can be done together, even better! If a plaque is created for me, it should read accordingly:

– plaque begins –

Joseph Tsefanyahu Farkasdi, peace be upon him

Born on 19th of Tamuz, 5727, aka, Thu, 27 July 1967

Died on [Hebrew transliteration date], aka, [Gregorian date]

– plaque ends –

(1) – What is human composting? “Human composting, sometimes known as natural organic reduction (NOR), uses the same idea as standard composting to provide an environmentally friendly alternative to traditional options like burials and cremation. It’s a growing part of the green burial movement, which aims to offer more eco-friendly ways to dispose of a body after death, including options like casket-less and embalming-free burials.” – https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-human-composting

(2) – What is Jewish halachot on burial? “Jewish custom insists on prompt burial as a matter of respect for the dead, a consideration of particular relevance in hot climates. If the passing occurred in the morning, one should try to ensure that the deceased is prepared for burial and buried before dusk of the same day. If this is not possible, the burial should take place on the following day. Some delays in burial are, however, justified: “Honor of the dead” demands that the proper preparation – cleaning of the body, wrapping in a shroud, and guarding until buried – be made, and that relatives and friends pay their last respects (Sanh. 47a; Sh. Ar., YD 357:1). Jewish bodies are not to be embalmed! Burial is a private family affair by modern Jewish tradition. In Ereẓ Israel, coffins/caskets are not usually used. If a wooden casket is used, holes in the bottom ensure that the body touches the earth. In the Diaspora, it is still customary to spread earth from Ereẓ Israel on the head and face of the corpse, if a wooden open casket is used. When the deceased is lowered into the grave, those present say, “May he (or she) come to his (or her) place in peace”; they then fill in the grave. As they leave, they throw grass and earth behind them in the direction of the grave, while saying, “Remember (God) that we are of dust.” Prior to leaving the cemetery they wash their hands (in Jerusalem, it is customary not to dry them afterward).” – For further info, https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/ancient-burial-practices

————-

Whether it is AncestryDNA or 23andMe, if you haven’t taken a DNA test yet – then, you owe it to yourself as a gift this holiday season. Seriously! It will open your eyes, even if you think you already know what you are.

Just from my looks alone, would you guess that my ancestors are literally from across this planet? I am what I am, thanks to my European, Middle Eastern, and Asian ancestors who all share a common ancestry that originates in Africa.

A scientific analysis of my blood reveals that I am by way of my ancestors: The son of a mother who is by direct descent, as all her mothers before her, a Sardinia Indigenous. The son of a father who is, as all his fathers before him, a Levant Indigenous. The admixtures, percents of here and there geographically, that my DNA retains from my mother’s side shows relations with people that are from Sardinia, Scandinavia, and the United Kingdom. The consistent (never changing in percentage) admixtures that my DNA retains from my father’s side shows relations with Jews, Portuguese, Greeks, and Hungarians. Yes, I am a Sephardi Jew by direct descent!

It’s intriguing how I came out looking Scandinavian in skin tone and hair color from my mother’s side, but I have the facial and body physical features of my father’s side. To include, since reaching my 50’s, my infamous natural growing “Spock”-like reddish eyebrows – that happens to resemble my uncle’s black eyebrows on olive skin. See for yourself to understand that when I said “Spock”-like, my natural growing eyebrows really are! (I knew there was a reason I liked that fictional Star Trek character created by Leonard Nimoy, thought it was because of the Logic philosophy, just didn’t know that I was destined to grow into a “Vulcan” in looks as I age through life. Life imitating art or art imitating life? Anyone, explanation please?!)

Because of genetic admixturing between human populations, it’s also intriguing that my direct genetic relatives span the color spectrum, from dark brown skin to white skin. And, let’s not forget to mention our common African mother and father that all my *and* your ancestors are ultimately descended from, at one time in planetary history. Oh, yes, a very small bit of the human Neanderthal still lives on in me, too, so says science. And is where I likely get my straight hair and hairless back from, according to some interpretations.

Did you know? The Magyar are a Uralic tribe from the northern part of the Asian steppe that settled in the Carpathian Basin around 900 CE (A.D.) and established the Kingdom of Hungary. They resisted later Slavic influences and maintained their language, which is closely related to Finnish and Estonian. The Scandinavians are historically referred to as the “North Men”, were renowned seafarers, and were the first Europeans to discover what would eventually be called North America (that was already populated by the 15,000 year old Native American tribes). So, hmmm, what’s your ancestral history like?

We can “Make America Great Again” by requiring everyone to learn their genetic ancestral history with a simple DNA test! It would be really wise for us to do so, a living up to our Sapiens name, “knowledge human.”

————-

What does it mean to be Jewish in the age of DNA testing? Is this a reliable way of determining Jewish ancestry/ethnicity?

To answer this question properly, the answer is (and always will be): No! DNA testing being a reliable determinate for Jewish identity is, in my opinion, “absolutely not”! History is too complicated for this. But, such science based testing can be useful in determining whether you are directly connected to certain insular Jewish communities that kept marriage between only select groups of families. That’s how you distinctly get Ashkenazi (European), Sephardi (Iberian Peninsula to Middle Eastern, Eastern European, and Hispanic), and Mizrahi (Middle Eastern/North African) Jews – who all originally came from early “Palestine” – which is the European and Arab Colonizers’ name for our Judean land(!) – after the final fall of Israel to the Romans in the 2nd century CE.

Now you know *more* now! And this is the reason why DNA testing by the controlling rabbinate of the modern State of Israel is such a bad idea in resolving legal disputes. It is not a reliable indicator of Jewishness. Hence, the need to consult the Jewish community that individual Jews are directly a part of for affirmation of legal Jewish status. The Jewish people are the Indigenous People of Judea and Samaria, and we have indigenous Judean-based halachot (Jewish laws) that determine who upon this planet Earth is Jewish and who is not! If you are not Jewish by Jewish halacha, then you are not Jewish, full stop. We are a people with an ethno-religion and Judean-orignating halachot that defines us as a people, no matter where in this world (courtesy of European and Arab racist expulsions to further and further diasporas).

Did you know? Both Judah Halevi and Abraham ibn Daud, Sephardi Jews, attest to the ruling elite of the Khazars conversion to Rabbinic Judaism in the 8th century CE. This, along with the reign of Sephardi tradition during the Ottoman Empire, explains why many of Hungarian Jews of Magyar descent follow Sephardi Jewish customs and Hebrew pronunciation.

————-

Do you want to know who I am? Really?!

I am a person with PTSD, a “veteran” of war. I’ve seen a few things that make me doubt “humanity” daily, for in all my years nothing has changed. We humans are our own worst enemy! For we are so slow to learn, to evolve as a Species. I shouldn’t be watching any news that reminds me of this (but, for therapy, yes, I should be, so I do!)

My father is/was the son of a gangster, a Prohibition era gangster of Jewish descent. He was so traumatized by childhood life that he embraced the cult of Evangelicalism to escape his inherited pains. He took us children with him in this quest, thus turning all my younger brothers and I into atheists for this. The blood remembers, despite the age and vulnerabilities! (I don’t blame him, but know he never found peace!)

My grandfather was a gangster from a poor coal mining family who had no future in this American Dream colony upon Indigenous nations’ soil. Why coal mining? Because, Jew or gentile poor, if you speak Hungarian, you go to who are your language clan for survival. The son of a Jewish orphan who “immigrated” from Eastern Europe under a Christian name to provide an income for family back “home.”

My great grandparents left Hungary just before the rise of Christian reestablished supremacy in Hungary, a response to the shortlived “Jewish emancipation” that allowed Jews to be influential in all aspects of Hungarian society (to include, so briefly, government). They were not the only ones to travel to the USA under their repeated travel names, but all apparently fell victim to assimilation, blending in with the crowd, and refused (obstinately, violently) to talk about the past to their children.

The only one who talks, apparently, is me – the pintele yid of the family – because the blood speaks. Do you want to learn how I discovered our family secret? Why I’ve always been at odds with Christianity throughout life? Why the moment, as a younger, I experienced Judaism (Judea-people-ism) I knew that I’d found my home – even on a diaspora island in the Pacific ocean?

Thanks to my mother, I’ve been understanding Hebrew like a Jewish child of the BCE even as a child myself. My first Jewish words and their meanings were through her! So, as with all Jewish children, I learned to *study* in life. Translations are a fool’s colonized game. The blood in me kept calling me to learn about my name. I listened and learned. I researched and discovered. I studied so hard that I went from being tinok she’nishba to frum dati, with an obsession of learning anything Jewish, to being masorti (chiloni -slash- dati) from lifestyle and war related PTSD.

I know, you had no idea how I was going to bring this so Jewishly full spiral circle around! (I didn’t know either. Everyday, I am on the mental, physical, and emotional ride!) That’s okay, just enjoy the ride. This is the Jewish way of l’dor v’dor survival. And, if you disagree with me on this, then you are *not* Jewish! The ancestors of blood speak directly, regardless of modern European-Arab Colonial history upon this planet Earth (think “A.D.”/CE period of human recorded history).

Do you want to know who I am? Really?! Would it surprise you that I haven’t shared the whole story? Because we humans often don’t for personal reasons, aka survival? Do you think that you have generational traumas to deal with on a daily basis as a human being? If you are European or Arab, I don’t believe you! (Except for those who have been violently tortured by their very own!) But, if you are Indigenous Peoples or formerly enslaved USA Africans, I hear and understand you.